I had a sudden revelation today which reminded me of why I wasn't satisfied with this post. I have honestly obsessed over it (for more than a year now), scrutinizing it in my mind over and over again, wondering why it did not feel complete. Why I wasn't happy with it. Why I felt like it just wasn't the post I wanted.
It finally hit me while I was crossing a road. Actually, right when I was smack in the middle of a road. I forgot to talk about passion to the point of obsession. I had gone off track. I hadn't really wanted to tell you about the passion of life. I wanted to tell you that passion is life.
Truly passionate people tend to be slightly annoying to those who do not understand their passion. Have you ever felt annoyed at those humanitarians or environmentalists pestering you to support their mission? But let's say it's something you believe in, for me it's animals... If someone came up to me explaining to me how I could help animals, I would sincerely be interested and not find that person annoying at all. I respect people who believe in their cause or purpose so much, they become consumed with it. Why do I respect them? Because passion (and I shall quote myself) needs to be protected, cultivated. I used to only ever talk about animals - wonderful facts about the beautiful creatures that roam our planet - and used to get so passionate about the things I felt for. Used to, because hardly anything excites me anymore. I'm afraid that when some things are lost, they are lost forever.
I've recently discovered Nirrimi who conveys so much wonderment that reading her blog enchants me. Here is a human being who is completely at ease with her passion that it has become a part of her and she projects that sense of being through her work and her words.
I want that freedom. I want to be able to cease caring and just live.
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When we were younger, we tend to live selfishly and to the extreme. Happiness never comes less than 100% and what was sadness but a few tears soon forgotten? As children, the world revolved around us and we didn't even think of it that way because we knew no reason. All we wanted to do was laugh, play, to have fun and enjoy life. Our life wasn't dull even though our parents made it a routine. Everyday is an adventure because we didn't know what new friends we were going to meet, what new thing might happen that day and mainly because we made it one. We had no cares for trivial things, even if shit happened to us, we'd just brush it off and hop onto the next exciting thing. Children knew the key to happiness; worldly things meant little to them.
How long has it been since you've done something that truly makes you happy? I know for a fact that material things such as gadgets and gizmos and brands are incapable of making a person happy. Sure, it gives you satisfaction to buy yourself a new toy, but satisfaction isn't happiness. Sure, it makes you feel loved if someone buys you an expensive gift. But how long since you've broken out of the norm, did something for YOU? Sure, work and all those other grown up stuff is important, but so is living. If you are living the dream, doing what you have always wanted to do, well good for you! This is for all the rest.
So now, I'm asking you to step out of your routine. Bask in the beauty of the world, of LIFE. Let the wind touch your heart, listen to children laughing in the park, show your friend or lover how much you appreciate them, resuscitate an old hobby, be spontaneous! I know life sometimes seems meaningless; you worry about friendship, about money, about family, about everything... And what for? So that you can live a meaningless life in a mansion, surround yourself with fake friends and expensive toys, waiting for death?
There is only one thing that makes living worthwhile: Passion for life.
If you have that, then you have it all. Passion needs to be cultivated, cared for, grown. Some people may be born with a great passion which lasts all throughout their lives, but even the greatest passion will fizzle out and die without cultivation. I used to want to be a doctor, because my grandmother passed away due to cancer. I was going to find the cure for cancer. I also wanted to be superman, so that I could fly beside airplanes. Last but not least, I wanted to save animals from the world. I wanted to reach out and smack every animal abuser and exploiter there was.
But I got sidetracked. I grew up. I got caught up in the games big girls and big boys play. I learnt the words pressure, stress, responsibility, image. I realized that this world is a world of pretend. We have to pretend to be something we are not, to conform to ideals which nobody can achieve, to please the people who play the same stupid game. I remember being lectured that I am my father's daughter, I am my brothers' sister, I am whatever so and so, whatever I do will reflect on whoever is related to me. I did not believe in becoming what others expect of me, I cared nothing about their judgmental eyes, but I as I got older I grew to believe strongly in pride and honor. I didn't want to shame my family. And that is when I began to forget myself.
My fire fizzled out. I went through the motions of life just for the sake of it. Life was filled with duty and parties to give myself meaning. This is the price we pay for growing up. Our brains got the better of us, wanted to know more about the world we live in. Wanted to rid itself of ignorance. Just like how Adam and Eve took knowledge from the tree of God and therefore was punished with all the opposites of goodness. Everything comes with a price. I'm not asking you to drop everything and act like a 10 year old for the rest of your life nor is it possible to unlearn all that we have. I'm just asking you not to forget what being 10 year old was like. Don't forget how you didn't ponder over yesterday's actions or mull over what you said. The past doesn't matter because it has already happened.
Sometimes we forget the flavors of life, consumed by work and worries and the mundane. It's like eating the same goddamn food everyday, we get tired of it. But don't. My friend, don't ever lost sight of the meaning of life.
Sometimes we gotta break free of the comfort zone we've created to feel scared, excited - to feel something.
Now go and live passionately. ^^y