Friday, May 25, 2012

Social Media Stereotypes

If you take this seriously, you really have to remove that stick lodged up yours. Aside from that, enjoy! :)

You think you're artistic but hell people either follow you because they are your friends or because you're hot or because you're a goddamn helluva photographer - but you do know that Instagram was made for lomography, right? You're supposed to point, shoot, apply a random filter and upload! Not shoot on your dSLR, edit in photoshop, transfer to your phone and upload or whatever it is you do.

You're either a philosopher or comedian. Pick one, but you're not. Others include people who share TMI or TMQ. It's Too Much Info and Too Many Quotes respectively, if you didn't get it - but you should if you're on Twitter cos of the word limit. Right. The world limit. There's a reason for the 140 word limit, you know. It's the era of ADHD! If we want long posts, we'll go to blogs.

Director, how-to guru, comedian or show off. Actually, just show offs. You want to show people you know how to do this and that, can afford to buy this and that or that you're so famous and you're sponsored by this and that.

Networking and stalking. Need I say more?

Oh, I like this one. You think you are so insightful and have so much to share. You think your opinion matters... But honestly, nobody wants to read about your daily life - everybody else has enough shit to deal with in their own lives, unless you have a wonderfully fabulous life... But that would just make people resent you because you have what they don't. Usually has a penchant for freebies and money. And comments. I can't even begin to say how much they covert comments. Comments to bloggers are what likes are to Facebook addicts... More than that, comments are greatly appreciated (unlike likes) and receiving comments is like getting a present or receiving extra change from the cashier! Even if bloggers don't admit it, it's true. Comments are gold. LASTLY, don't be an idiot: don't piss a blogger off cos they will blog about you.

You all think you're so witty and funny. Actually, well, you are. I am addicted to 9gag and it has my soul. I have nothing to say against it. However, there seems to be a rumor floating around the net that you're a bunch of ripoffs/reposts. I don't believe it and frankly, I don't care. It's the goddamn internet for fuck's sake! 9gag brings me joy. But I must say something stereotypical so... You are all a bunch of individuals which lack identities, therefore you go onto 9gag and hope to find something relate-able. 9gag is the motherlode of all stereotypes, they have and are everything... I know, not my best.

All the rest are hipsters because I ain't one and I don't have Tumblr, Reddit or whatevs. Anyway, on to the next part. You thought I was done, didn't you? Well I'm not. Here are a few that refuses to comprehend how social media works. I am not going to hold back. You were warned.

These are the people who use usernames like Ange1inaJolie on Twitter (haven't encountered them on any other platforms). First and foremost, it is an insult to people, do you think people are so stupid to believe you are actually the Angelina Jolie? Secondly, followers of your account are either blind or retarded, so what does that make you? Thirdly, it's a cheap way to gain more followers. You disgusting fraud.

There is one in every social media platform. They just don't know when to stop! Nobody wants to be forced to see your constant updates. Try to limit yourself to at least 2 updates a day unless you're interesting, so c'mon. Media platforms are public spaces and while people might enjoy your updates or care about you (that's why you still have followers), nobody will appreciate it if you're diarrheaing updates onto their newsfeeds.

Yes, the world sucks and everybody hates you. Grow up.

Drama King/Queen aka Attention Whore
Everything is blown wildly out of proportions when it comes to you. Guy looks at you? OH MY GOD QUICK ALERT THE PAPARAZZI, YOU HAVE A STALKER. Bitch, please. Some car overtook you? Tell me again how he's a piece of shit and how you own the roads. A DOUCHEBAG BUMPED INTO YOU? Ooooh, I'm sure you will hunt him down and hospitalize him. You have copycats?! Wow, I had no idea you were a fashion icon! I shudder to think what you'll say when one day you realize that not everything is about you. Maybe jump off a building and dramatize that? Oh wait, you've probably announced to the world you are going to kill yourself many times by now. Guess what? You're still here. I'm being overly sarcastic because that's the only way I know how to deal with these people. GET OVER YOURSELF.

Constantly changing girl/boyfriends and always PDAing. FYI, the internet is considered a public space. If you want to tell someone you love them or exchange disgusting mushy messages, that's what your cell is for. Why display it in public? Nobody wants to see your schmuck (in this context, I meant private parts of your life). I also do not get people who fall in/out of love so easily. Today's status update: I wish you happiness... (Right after breaking up) Two days later: I am so lucky to have you. I love you! (After getting a new girl/boy) Seriously?

Fame Whore
Not to be confused with the attention whore, fame whores don't only want attention, they want worshipers. They want to be the next big thing, but they are doing it wrong, which is why they are in this category. Fame should come to those who are passionate and good at what they do, not those who strive solely for it. Where attention whores may be delusional (making more of what there is), fame whores are self absorbed. They believe they should be or are famous therefore acting like they are. They usually sucker up to successful individuals and look down on all the rest. But when the famous/successful do not reciprocate, they turn into haters. There is nothing more annoying than seeing a loser acting all diva once you get over how funny it is. The fame whore accepts all friend requests because they want more publicity or assume they are popular and well loved, whereas an attention whore will just accept all requests - no questions asked. Oh and a last identifier: They stink of desperation.

All that aside, I need a pink mouse and want a Babyliss curling iron, I don't mind a guitar either. Anyone?


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