Tuesday, January 29, 2013

don't sleep

We all know the expression: Time flies... But the truth is, time doesn't fly. A second is a second, a minute is 60 seconds, an hour is 3600 seconds. It is absolute. Whether you are happy or sad, time stays constant. 

I learnt this while I was in Melbourne. I feel like I've barely left home and yet, simultaneously, Melbourne feels like a distant memory. A thing of the past. 

But that's not true. In less than a month, I must leave Kuching once again and this time, actively pursue a future I do not yet want but understand to be a good choice. 

When I was younger, I loathed vegetables. I'd eat them in a single, huge mouthful and swallow them whole if I absolutely had to. But as I got older I understood their benefits and therefore chose to consume them - not because I liked them, but because I knew I should. Now, I can't go 3 days without veggies. I crave them. I want them as much as I need them. 

So this unwillingness to leave home is a bittersweet compromise of acknowledging what I want and accepting what I need. 

I really am reluctant to go, and I can't help but feel like time is merciless. Though, it has nothing to do with time at all, it is, after all, inanimate  - I just never wanted to admit 3 months was short. I wanted to believe 3 months could last a lifetime. 

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