Saturday, December 31, 2016

i give up

Great Ocean Road | March 2013
I stopped believing I could see the whole world when I realized I could not experience every single life. Culture and circumstance. There is no way for me to know how it feels like growing up in the slums or to be born with a silver spoon. Instead I started to make lists of what I would like to do. Camp under an unpolluted sky. Go on road trips with those I never tire of. Sail the seas on a cruise. Stay at home all day with him, eating comfort food and watching marathons. Everything is so fleeting. Nothing lasts forever. Do what YOU want to do. You do not have to taste every single thing, so long as you taste the ones you've always wanted to.

I used to get so mad cos I can't be with my guys for a bros night out. These boys are the only friends I want to hang out with and because of a girl's silly little insecurities, I gotta stay at home fuming and being left out. But then I realized that like it or not, I am a girl. No matter how I'm treated like a bro, I'm never truly gonna be one and neither do I want to be. I like being the only girl. And also, I should be glad they found someone and I should respect that. So I gave up trying to be what I wasn't and stopped struggling against the current. They won't let me in their boys-only group chat cos then all their girl friends would wanna join? So I made my own group chat, where nobody is left behind.

I loved forcing my beliefs onto others. Be considerate, communicate, don't litter, say no to shark fin soup, spay your pets if you don't want to be responsible for their babies, speak out, be proud, stand up, fight and don't back down. I would preach and proclaim until I got disheartened. But I found an old belief, live and let live. Fairly take and fairly give. Everyone has their prerogative to live the way they want to. Whether it harms the world or not, it is not your decision to make. You do what you can and let God handle the rest.

I was a planner. Even what seemed like spontaneity was free time set purposefully aside by me. I hated when things don't follow the guidelines I've set in my head, although I would never show my dissatisfaction and pretend like everything is okay because I'm too cool to care. The truth is, it kills me when someone says: let's go for fries! And when they pick me up, say we're going for Japanese food instead. And honestly, I told myself I'll only give two years to hitz, because frankly... I never wanted a 9 till 5 job and it was a 9 to 5 even though it's a lot more fun but it was still a corporation. But that plan slowly faded away and I saw myself there longer than I set out to be, until that fateful conversation which eventually set me free.

Sometimes when you surrender, you find peace.

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Friday, October 7, 2016

to that girl

Photo by YH Photography
i'm not sure if you remember me, if you ever noticed me at all. perhaps you thought it funny, how i wrote you once long ago. i reached my heart out to you because i thought i saw the same. but like a handshake left hanging, so was i left to hang. the ground i stood on so firmly, broke into pieces of doubt. that feeling of running home and finding you're shut out. i told myself it didn't matter, you didn't want what i offered. understand that nobody is owed kindness or the obligation to accept in blindness. we are strangers, you and i. strangers who share the same design. and yet i think i must be mistaken, for there were none i would have forsaken.

Friday, September 30, 2016

wonderland

for the longest time i tried to be who i was not. seemingly unconcerned with a strong front. but one day i fell into a rabbit hole and i emerged perpetually close to tears. i was never meant to live with steel walls but hanging my heart off my sleeve. i learnt that sadness was a given and i felt it more than anyone. once, i even asked my brother, why couldn't i be more like them? and he answered in a way which allowed me to embrace who i am: understand that we are our own person and i never expect you to be anyone else but yourself.

you try not to be depressed
because when you are
it just means that
they never did a good job

it was one of my many perspectives. i hurt when someone feels my pain so these shoulders they double in weight. it made me hide even more, because to be loved is to destroy. i destroy the very thing i love. and when i try to disappear, there is only one route for me to take. down the same old road and facing the same old demons.

it's easier now that i know i can't help the way i am. happiness exists only in your own head. when i find myself slipping, i haul myself back up. rather than hope for a different environment, filled with steps instead of a slippery slope.


Sunday, September 11, 2016

Review: Hello Kitty Cafe (Sunway Pyramid, KL)

I was in KL last week and went to the girliest, pinkest, mainstream cafe ever! Hi, Hello Kitty. I had such a love for pink that I bought tons of its merchandise when I was younger even though I had no love for the kitty. So when I saw the pastel walls and furniture, I just had to.



They serve coffee and cakes on the ground floor, meals on another. Honestly though, I would never understand why anyone would have a heavily overpriced meal unless it tastes out of this world. It's like slapping Burberry on a char kueh tiaw stall, arranging the food so it looks like a work of art and charging a tremendous amount. But even the drinks and cake didn't come cheap.



RM50+ for the above. If I'm not mistaken, the drinks were RM1X each and the cake was over RM20. 10% off if you've got a Hong Leong Hello Kitty debit card. But it gave me so much trouble, card denied then charged but not, blah blah blah... That we spent well over an hour there after we were done!

But the manager kindly supplied us a special Tiramisu Latte which isn't on the menu, for the inconvenience.


I don't drink coffee so I can't comment on how it tastes like. But the banana smoothie I had was so rich I felt like I was sucking candied molten up a straw. I've had better cakes for a fraction of the price but the edible glitter was so pretty I almost couldn't deal.


Because it would be a sin not to make use of the lighting and instaworthy environment.


This is my gorgeous sister in law, which means she's married to my brother. So you get your perv on elsewhere. She's the most patient person I know because she took roughly 40 pictures till I was satisfied. Behold!

A photo posted by 👻 veyroniqa (@veyroniqa) on

Saturday, September 10, 2016

comfort

enveloped in distant laughter and feeling at ease, only true friendship can offer such solace. i'm lying on a beanbag watching crouching tiger hidden dragon while simutaneously trying to reread mortal instruments as the boys get the bbq fire going. i will join them in a bit for a drink and a few jokes but for now i only want to enjoy every moment of bliss. this is where i have always belonged.

Friday, September 9, 2016

my twin stars

Life is so much more chaotic and fulfilling when you have two dogs.


It is incredibly satisfying to see them learn from each other and play together. Each day, awed by their distinctive personalities.


Cherie is extremely active and can't sit still, not even for a second. Legacy on the other hand is more than happy to pose and look cute.


She likes rough play whereas he will cry to drown out my exclamations. The list is endless but you can follow my babies on instagram @ thepomlady. I promise, it has more action than this space.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

sundaze scribbles #25

This will be the last of my sundaze scribbles. I'll be reposting my favorites on my instagram so be on the lookout for new ones there. :)


Love is a tune that plays the song of your heart
It may not have the most haunting melody
But no others will come close to its comfort
Love is food touching your soul through your belly
And it is strength when you don't want to be strong
You know it's love when she starts to feel like home
Without a doubt you know this is where you belong
It is the muse of artists, poets, singers and writers
Oh but do forgive me for I never wanted your love
Only for someone to love me the way you could've

Sunday, August 21, 2016

sundaze scribbles #24



love is crazy
love is blind
love isn't a happily every after
love is growing old together

Sunday, August 14, 2016

sundaze scribbles #23


friendship are fireflies lighting up the skies
they show you what you've been missing
casting long shadows fear never welcomed in
some lights go out to let others take their place
fewer still reignite with grand stories of vivace
but many give life illumination
a dazzling warmth of affection
each individual a blaze of glory
burning moments into memory
and long after their familiar glow has gone
remember nights you two were phenomenon

happy birthday

Sunday, August 7, 2016

sundaze scribbles #22




the best people tell the truth with no sugar
because the guessing game is always bitter

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Review: Suicide Squad


I haven't caught a movie premiere in forever - there just wasn't a movie that caught my attention like this mismatched crew of villains. It's just that I've been waiting forever to see a Harleyquinn brought to life.

But do you remember how Batman v Superman left you wanting? You left the cinema feeling disappointed. Something was missing. This is the same. There's nothing out of the ordinary here, and you were expecting out of this world. A glimpse into the criminally insane and twisted.


Margot Robbie and Jared Leto's Harleyquinn and Joker tried to be straight from the comics but their crazy felt fake AF, their intelligence missing. They are complex, multidimensional characters flattened into 2d. I wanted to love them, so badly. But none of it felt real, it was just too colorful, with no substance. 

The movie lacked conviction. Throughout the entire thing you could feel the director clutching at straws but while the buildup was pretty strong, it fell straight on its face. You know that kid who likes to show off in front of people? Yeah he got you thinking: damn I wish I had half his confidence well BAM! He just tripped on nothing and now he's loosing his game and you wanna look away cos it's too embarrassing to keep watching but it's so horrible even you find yourself hoping he saves himself. He never does. 

At the end you kinda just try to slip away unnoticed and hope he isn't your friend. He isn't the film you were dying to see. Pretend it wasn't all just hype with no form. 

I wouldn't rewatch. I'd give it a H out of HAHAH. H. 

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

like me or not

I haven't done one of these so long I was afraid I'd forgotten how. But black ink on white - whether virtual or physical is comforting to me. The stories are there, I just don't know where to start. I have long stopped writing about daily routines, choosing instead to capture moments and feelings like photographs but with words or try my best. These little updates to remember change by.

I have never been one to care whether people like me or not - because there always will be those who don't and those who do. It doesn't mean that they are kind or unkind, nice or mean, good or bad. The world, I've found, is not a linear as we wished it were. But because of that, I create distances from people I feel are insincere or questionable. My judgement is often flawed, and I trust the ones who would ultimately bring me the most disappointment and hurt. One such person told me that nobody can hurt you, "you hurt yourself". It made sense immediately because you are the only person who could let it matter. Everyone else may try to guilt you into feeling like you caused someone's suffering, but the truth is, no matter what it is, anyone can either marinate in their own sorrow or brush it off and rise.

The thing is, when you enter the workforce, it is different. In a perfect world, it wouldn't be. But there are balls to lick and superiors to obey. Paired with my no nonsense attitude and expensive respect, there are places I can not go. Lies taste like poison in my mouth and disdain is all I can manage for those with painted masks.

It took me longer than it should, for me to even entertain the thought that those people are true to themselves. I, who applaud those who parade blunt honesty. Hold your high horse or not, but do it without a front - it is what I believe. If you are a bitch, show the world. Can't keep your pants on then leave em at home! Gold digger? Own it. Be proud of who you are and wear no shame. So why couldn't I deal the same hand to those who hide? Our morals are clearly different, so just because I am not willing to do whatever it takes does not mean they feel the same way. I was so afraid of penetrating that invisible quarantine where their venom would spread and infect me. But it was all in my head. They aren't even hiding, it is who they are.

Acceptance is hard, even when you know it to be true. Especially when you imagine respect as a currency which is earned, not given freely due to status or position. People should be free to choose whom to follow and when leaders fail, it is only natural to step back and reconsider. If you are not loyal to what they believe in, they can never be loyal to you. But society was not built that way, we are appointed what we have and must make do or pack up and search for what we seek. You either stay true to who you are or allow yourself to melt into a herd of sheep. I miss my long ass air so f what the devil says.



Sunday, July 31, 2016

sundaze scribbles #21



people come into our lives
to be a story
some a lesson
but if you're real lucky
you get to keep them

Sunday, July 24, 2016

sundaze scribbles #20




I do not believe in total gender equality because I believe in chivalry.
Gender discrimination, on the other hand, is a whole different story.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

sundaze scribbles #19



scrolling through your instafeed
wishing i could be as cool as you
but i know secrets that would cut & bleed
shatter your perfect illusions if you knew
oh that he loves you but only carelessly
and so eye averting pity replaces my envy

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Sunday, July 3, 2016

sundaze scribbles #17




Rich people think nothing bad will ever happen to them,
even as they lay dying they imagine that they will wake up.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

sundaze scribbles #16



i know one day someone would
spend all the time they could
doing little things that i love
giving me more than i deserve
but the truth i'd never say is true:
i'd always wish it were you

Sunday, June 19, 2016

sundaze scribbles #15



they say that nothing lasts forever
but those moments trapped in time
little forevers where you are mine

Sunday, June 12, 2016

sundaze scribbles #14



when you're getting there
you really don't want to be
so maybe you're just on the way
cos being there is different story

Friday, June 10, 2016

Diet Recipe: Cauliflower Fritters

I just found that cauliflower is a great substitute for potato and rice so I was curious to see what else I could come up with and here it is!

A video posted by 👻 veyroniqa (@veyroniqa) on

Ingredients:
Cauliflower
Long Beans
Eggs
Flour
Salt & Pepper
Olive Oil

1. Prep your cauliflower by removing the stems and then crushing them or cutting them into small pieces and blend till you're happy with the texture.
2. Add eggs, long beans and thicken with flour so everything sticks together while you pan fry it.
3. Dole the mixture out like pancakes and wait for it to crisp.
4. Serve and enjoy!

Next time, I'm going to try baking these so we can cut down on the flour and oil - less carbs & fat! For now though,

Sunday, June 5, 2016

sundaze scribbles #13



some bitches be like chess
they will pick you apart
and eat you up
leaving your life in a mess

Sunday, May 29, 2016

sundaze scribbles #12



the well worn path is the slipperiest
when you wonder if it has started
it has already begun

Sunday, May 22, 2016

sundaze scribbles #11




if you miss someone just give them a call
you can't lose sombody you've lost afterall

Friday, May 20, 2016

Diet Recipe: Cayenne Chicken

Warning! Spicy alert. My dad tried some and almost turned into a chilli. I use cayenne pepper a lot nowadays because I love spicy food and it boosts metabolism.

A video posted by 👻 veyroniqa (@veyroniqa) on


Ingredients:
Chicken Breast
Salt
Cayenne Pepper

1. Slice chicken and marinate with salt and cayenne pepper to taste.
2. Heat non-stick pan and fry them. Oil is very much optional.
3. Simmer with lid on for 20-30 seconds for juicier chickies, skip this step if you want it to be extra fragrant.
4. Enjoy this low fat, no carb dish that'll kick your tastebuds with a whole lot of hot.

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Diet Recipe: Blackpepper & Garlic Beef Balls

I haven't been cooking since coming back from Melbourne. Why would I, when there's delicious food practically a stone's throw away? Ok, realistically, maybe a 2 minute drive. But I noticed significant weight gain so back to the kitchen it is!

The last recipe I ever shared was the Portobello Mushroom Burgers but if you followed me on IG, you'd have seen the video for this.

A video posted by 👻 veyroniqa (@veyroniqa) on


Ingredients: 
Salt 
Pepper
Garlic (Raw/Fried - I used whatever I had laying around)
Ground Beef 
Cayenne Pepper (Optional) 

1. Add salt, pepper & garlic to the beef, mix well and add some cayenne pepper if you like your food spicy. 
2. Ball the beef up and chuck them all into your non-stick frying pan. Do not use oil if you want to keep your calories low, but if you can't be bothered about fitting into your tightest pair of jeans, go right on ahead. 
3. Transfer everything onto a plate and garnish according to your liking! 

Monday, May 16, 2016

wake up.

It starts with something in the air. There is no chill, but you feel it in your bones. At first you go about your life, shrugging off that naggy feeling as one of those days. Then the screaming starts, first they are sporadic, you barely even notice. But it gets more urgent and you realize that some people on the streets have a sheen to them. Greyish tinge in their skin, eyes streaked with red and the blood. It is what speeds your heartbeat up, cause your palms to go cold and send a shiver down your spine.

Panic sets in, you grab whatever friends you can and make a run for it. Whose house is the safest with the lowest probability of being stumbled upon? You settle on someone's place who is out of the way, but for some stupid sentimental reason, decide to go home first.

It is empty and unguarded, your dog is missing and so is the rest of your family. While the silence is familiar, you know that this is a special circumstance so you enter with caution. You hear noises as you're packing and while they are talking in low murmurs, you are not comforted by their presence. Why are they in your house? You peek in the next room and you see strangers with stranger skin.

Weird, you think, zombies aren't supposed to talk. Right?! But their voices grow and you are unable to think so you do the unthinkable, you abandon your possessions and enter the room. You emulate their actions and while for a moment they look at you and your heart stops, it is only fleeting and you breathe a sigh of relief.

Almost instantaneously, they are converging on you while you try to figure out what you did to tick them off until you realize your heart is pounding and their flesh is cold so you hold your breath as hard as you can. Later on you'd realize how silly it was, you just needed to stop breathing, not drop a deuce. But it worked, they lost interest. The only problem is, you need to breath.

You flee to your room and attempt to finish packing, since you found a way to outsmart them, it shouldn't be too hard to grab the stuff you wanted and get out of there unscathed.

Every time you drew breath, you feared they would sense it but you continued anyway until you were done and made your way hesitantly to the front door. Out of nowhere, your puppy appears and starts making a fuss. Paralysed with fear, you stare at the front door before rushing to grab her and bolting down the street.

Maybe if you had your wits, you would realize the danger. A horde of them emerged from other houses and you tried hold your breath as you ran, but that's asking you to do the impossible. You shove your dog into your bag, rationalising that she would either suffocate now or die a gruesome death and now, they were coming at you now from all directions.

There was one house though which doors left unopened, so you decided to take your chances and barge in. Except of course, it was locked, so you run to the back and crash your way through the window. Scramble up the stairs and lock yourself in a room. Maybe luck was on your side, but with the balcony, escape would be easier. You plotted it while you calmed yourself down, working up the courage to leave when night fell and they slept. If they did.

You let your dog out for a little air, knowing that each breath you took would only draw them closer, magnetising them to you. Like the moon to the earth. But twilight finally set in, and everything was silent. Peaceful, almost. So you grab your bag and try your best to open the balcony door quietly, trying not to alert any of those zompires. They were zombies by the very definition, but with qualities of vampires in olden Chinese films. For a moment you wondered if a talisman could immobilize them, but you weren't up for trying.

The drop from a two storey building doesn't seem too scary, but under your adrenaline filled body, it was like jumping half a flight of stairs - daunting, but doable. Halfway through soaring through the sky, you realize you should drop and roll to kill momentum but you might squish your pooch so you toss the bag and do as you intended. Grabbing the bag and making sure your pal was still fine, you took off at a jog, wondering if you would make it to your friend's place. You ditched your car in a moment of panic, but you're not willing to risk it and turn back now.

So you run and stop, occasionally checking cars to see if you could pull something out of grand theft auto and making sure you're not followed. Your phone suddenly rings and you freak out, silencing it and shaking with both hope and despair. Please don't let them come after me now, you could taste salvation. "I ran into a couple of them," You whisper, "I lost my car, I'm walking to your place now."

"Don't come." You thought you knew dread, but this icy grip on your heart was death's finger, stroking the flames of fear. "It's filled with them."

You tell him what not to do: Breathe. Life attracts them so maybe it's safer to head to a graveyard. There's nothing for them there.

But not knowing whether they would make it was too much for you. "No, no, grab a car and come meet me, I'll find a safe house and give you the address. Come get me." The request a plea. You didn't want to be alone for the end of the world.

I found an abandoned house and locked myself in once again. The undead had no reason to come here, but I wasn't about to go exploring all alone while they were essentially on the way. I sent them my location along with directions on how to get here and waited.

I woke with a jolt, and reached for my phone. It was in the AM and there were noises. I checked my texts, "OTW" was sent about 15 minutes ago. Could be them! But it might not be. So again, I snuck out of the room to check. Suddenly, it was pandemonium. The roar of an engine sent them into frenzy, pulling my friends from the car. It was every man for themselves. A few made it into the house, and I hissed my existence, shovelling them into the room I was in. But the urgent whispers did not go unnoticed by those creatures.

They began filing into the house, dragging bodies with them. One by one, leaving them out in the hall, with moonrays dancing by the entrance. I creaked the door a little wider and gestured for the rest to follow. Only he did. So we crawled on our bellies, soaking in warm blood, wondering when they would rise again while averting our eyes and saving grief for later.

One of the monsters shuffled back into view and we relaxed face down into the pile of still warm corpses, holding our breaths and hoping to survive. We lay in a room full of bodies, pretending to be transforming into one of them but as I opened my eyes - I saw my bedroom. He was lying beside me, bathed in the blue glow of a speaker so I switched it off, found a comfortable spot and went back to sleep.


Midnight shenanigans, my friend.


Sunday, May 15, 2016

sundaze scribbles #10



just because you would do it for them
doesn't mean you should expect the same
but just because someone did it for you
doesn't mean you are indebted to

Monday, May 9, 2016

Review: neubodi


You're beautiful. It is the concept of neubodi. Everyone has the potential, you just need the right support. This is the store you go to and find your new best friend. Each of their bras are named after a strong female character - empowering you from within!


Each of the sales girls are very well trained and can find you the right bra with feel and intuition. The first bra picked for me was perfect but I tried on a couple more to learn what works for me, what doesn't and when to wear what. Bras are supposed to complement your outfit so there are bras suited for t-shirts, low necks, etc. It's all very complicated and here I was thinking that the only reason you wear bras is to protect them from the outside world.

While all their bras offer extreme support (comfort really depends on your body & the style), the reason it's not suitable to be a sports bra is because of the fabric and it won't stop your girls from dancing. Sport bras push em up against your chest so there's no bouncy bouncy.


To be honest, the bras take a little getting used to because I like wireless, super soft, no support kinds which turn out to be horrible! It encourages your fats to migrate so what could've been a DD has leaked away to an A. Seriously, the no. 1 culprit for back, arm and armpit fat is: escaped boob. It might sound funny, but fats are like jelly and they can be moulded. Go to your nearest neubodi if you don't believe me and wait to be proven wrong.

But what this really means is that over time, your posture will improve, your boobies will be fuller and firmer (guess what causes sagging: no support) aaand, less jiggly around your arms!

By the way, if you're looking for high-quality, reusable nipple-guards, THIS IS THE PLACE TO GO. I absolutely adore them! Goodbye to strapless bras that fall off or are so tight you can't breathe. These nipple undercovers set girls free and they only retail at RM29.90!


This post is months overdue and I sincerely apologize to the amazing staff over at neubodi - I just couldn't bring myself to blog about it when I wasn't comfortable wearing them but now? I need them otherwise I feel like the fats are slowly inching away from where they are supposed to be.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

sundaze scribbles #9




Don't believe in love at first sight.
It is magical and resplendent,
but unrealistic and insincere.
You can just as easily fall for another.

Friday, May 6, 2016

stormy.


You were named after my favorite dotA character. One that I never use anymore, just like how I would never be able to bring you to the beach ever again or try trekking with you. I've always wanted to, but I kept putting it off because you were supposed to live longer than this. You were entering your golden years - past the crazy but before age crept in.


I remember telling my dad you were a present from a friend who was secretly myself. I picked you out, I paid for you, you were mine.





But people always take their pets for granted and when they are gone, we realize we barely gave them enough while they gave us everything. Thank you for leaving a part of you behind. When I look into his eyes, I see you staring back and while that makes it both harder and easier at the same time, I am thankful.


You are a painful lesson I hope I never forget, one I hope no other owner has to learn through experience: When your dog stops eating, something is wrong and should be sent to the vet immediately. Don't put it off thinking she'll be ok tomorrow because she might not be.


I'll use Storm again, just like how I'm going to see you once more. Till that time comes, have fun with my past and I'll take care of your pup. Bye for now, Stormy.