Thursday, May 25, 2017

Why People Don't Like You

I'm not going to lie, I don't understand how it feels to be bullied - not because I've never been picked on or laughed at and embarrassed. But because I never let it get to me, I don't let myself become a victim. I jibe back, laugh louder or pretend like it doesn't matter and trust me. After a while, it stops being important.

This is not an article belittling bullying. I understand that it can be tough when bullies cross over from being mean and hurting your feelings to downright evil and hurting you physically. It is my own opinion that emotional bullying builds character, but it is never right.

Now, when I was in primary school, I felt ostracized at times but come middle school, I became more popular. And I don't know about Western culture and the kinds of bullies they develop, but in my private Chinese school, bullies are just looking for a little fun. I know because I was one. If someone is disliked, you can be sure they'd find bugs in their bags, poop in their pockets or their desks destroyed. I'm not proud for what I did, but I'd say they deserved it. One for being a snitch, one for being a bitch and the poop was a joke.

There's a fine line for us, between doing something out of malice and doing something out of friendship and you'd be surprise how frequent the two coincide. If you're not egged on your birthday or doused in water, you are not popular. If you haven't been thrust against a pole or pillar by a group of people, you are not cool. If you haven't gotten jelly or gum stuck on your shirt or hair, you probably don't have any friends. And this post is to tell you WHY.

You're too much. And you don't know how to stop. You not only persist, but you pester and you go on and on. Do you want to go out for lunch? Some other time? How about tomorrow? Or tonight? We can do dinner. Oh, still busy? Hmmm... And not five minutes later you're down the same guy's throat about how yall should invite so and so. Woah, slow down there you eager beaver! Everything in moderation, learn how to hold back. People might say they like sincerity and want to know the real you, but nobody's ever ready for the candidly raw. If you suspect that you're being over the top, chances are you have been for the last 10 or 15 minutes or so. People will respond at first but over time, they'll start to give you the cold shoulder.

Go doesn't flow. If you're insistent on having a stick up your ass, soon, people are going to get real sick of you. It's not that you're not allowed to have your own preferences or comfort zones... But if you don't live a little, you're just gonna be stuck in a rut and that rut is a lonely little foxhole you dug yourself. You could learn from ringleaders, whom I've noticed knows how to say what. They make you feel like you've been heard, and somehow make their idea feel like your own. How many times have I been talked into doing something incredibly stupid is embarrassing. On one hand, it's their powers of persuasion and on the other, I just went with the flow. You want me in that baby chair? Done.

Serious is your middle name. Honestly, there's nothing that says "target" to bullies more than a serious person who takes him/herself way too seriously. Life is either a tragedy or a joke so if you don't have a sense of humor, you're gonna get tired AF. Worse, if you are pompous about it and can't unglue yourself from that high horse you're judging everyone from. You might try to act above it all, but we know that you're not fooling anyone.

"Candid" doesn't equal "Offensive".  How is it possible to mistake the two? Well, most people feel like in order to be real, they have to give their most uncensored thoughts. The truth is, people are not very nice and so, neither are what we think. But it's completely possible to be honest without being a complete dick about it. So watch out, while you're busy being as honest as you can be, you're not just making enemies but you're hurting lots of feelings.

You try to make cool happen. Sorry to burst your bubble but you can't. You either are, or you're not. And mostly, people are cool when they are just doing their own thing and being themselves. You can be cool if you're completely a geek or whatever, but not if you are doing it just so it will score you points.

If it's too hard to take in, just remember this quote when you find yourself in any kind of social situation: People will forget what you say or do but people never forget the way you make them feel.

So if you're going to make them feel bad about themselves and rain on everyone's parade, who also tries way too hard, making everyone uncomfortable and awkward... Guess who's not getting invited to the next party in town?

(If you don't know the answer, clearly I've just written a piece of trash.)


  1. i'm once a prankster in my college years... getting older now, not even proud with what i do.. BUT i didnt go across the line.. just for fun..

    Yet, i think karma hit me back with my plus figure and all i have to do just be positive and dont listen to badmouth people..

    Stay positive!

    p/s : your watercooler photo - broken link.

  2. Your last point. Well, you cant imitate someone to be cool, and i agree with u, its either ur cool or not.

  3. Well, I've been in both shoes. Being low profile as in doesn't care about anything anyone to somehow suddenly being the one who arranged gig and so on. I'm not sure if I've ever been bullied. Lol. Maybe as u said, somehow i fight back with lame jokes, laugh harder or doing the payback to that person back. But that is when i dont care about what ppl think and feel. Now i think, i would like to have more friends than foe. Cause sometimes along the timeline, without knowing i know we somehow "accidentally" built a group of foe. Haha i mean, not all people will like what we do or done right. Just go with the flow and bring our own natural attitude.

  4. It's never easy to please everyone. I've come to the point that I don't really care at times.
    We got our points and so do other people. All have a right to an opinion. Some disagree and some won't. So I've learnt..

  5. I agree that people will forget what you say or what you do, and only remember how you made them feel. That being said, sometimes you don't have to fit in either. I spent most of my childhood trying to earn validation from others, but as times goes you realised it doesn't matter. Sometimes people like you, sometimes they don't. And that's okay. As long as you pose no malicious intents to others, just do you. You don't have to be liked as much, nor do you have to be remembered. At the end of the day it's the personal journey you're taking and as long as you strive to reach your biggest potential that's that. If you wanna waste it go ahead too...that's your choice. Life's too short to please others.